On Valentine's Day, and especially due to the planetary effects of the last few weeks, everyone will be contemplating Relationships a bit. If you have one, that's why you're thinking about it, and if you don't have one, that's also why it's on your mind. The topic of Relationships is always the most sought-out: be it in an article; in a group; or at a seminar. This is the topic that moves the most people. It shows how significant Relationships are in our lives. I'd like to contribute this article for Valentine's Day. :)
When it comes to Relationships we always find ourselves in trouble; if we have one or don't have one. :D It comes from its very nature. The reason? We have to share our lives with someone and let them into our deepest world and it's not guaranteed that they'll be there forever. Why would we let anyone in? Why would we share our most precious things with someone who may not be there the next day..?!
We don't have such a problem with our close relatives. Even if we fight with our parents or siblings, we know that there is a deep connection by blood that keeps us together throughout our entire lives. Even if we don't speak with each other for years there's a basis that we can build upon at any time. More importantly, we can assume that our relatives are always wishing the best for us and looking out for our best interest.
There is no such natural, instinctive bondage in a Relationship. Still, we have to provide our partner what we give naturally to our relatives, but without any guarantees. This is why a Relationship is so fragile. It's a walk on a tightrope. We strive to find that thin line where we give enough but don't open ourselves up too much. However, this line doesn't exist. It is really hard to find a balance within it; to find out how much we are able to let the other one in while still keeping to ourselves. If we are not able to lose ourselves in the other we put the whole idea of the Relationship in jeopardy.
Anytime we open up to let the other in, we have to give up our habits, walls (defences), and our ego. This is why many people are so afraid of commitment. So many people are unable to let go of the past. They would do anything to keep the old, stuck energies, even if they aren't useful anymore. The development of a Relationship always requires a letting go of the past; as we open ourselves up for the other – the past is gone.
Many people blame the partner subconsciously for this process. What foolishness this is?! Here is someone who helps you renew, rejuvenate, and escorts you out from behind your walls and you confront them. Why? A wonderful thing is being done for you! They magnify the areas where you are stuck, where you're not living. You are able to see yourself reflected in the other person as you truly are.
And in this process fear is always there. "Okay, I change, I transform, I get rid of my inner junk that gave the frame for my life. There you go!" But what if this "other" steps out of your life the next day? You think. You are there with no junk and no partner. Come on, is there a problem?! No, because you still win! You win because you transform. You become free. Living, flowing. Y0u can only be happy in this life if you are able to let go of the junk from your past! You don't have a partner right now? Very well, start letting go now! You do have a partner? Start letting go now even if you haven't yet, or keep on doing it if you've already begun to let go!
Life is a constant transformation, a flow; and you must know how to change and be fluid. But don't think I'm talking about today's trends. If you open up for everyone, or, rapidly change your partners, you won't be able to appreciate the intimacy and exclusivity of a Relationship. You may like everyone, but it's important to love only one!
The Toltec Indians say that during sexual intercourse a sort of strand develops between the two parties involved which stays there for 7 years. I believe them. It is very likely that such a strand comes to existence between a man and a woman until the age when the baby is mature enough to carry on alone. Conception needn't have taken place though; the act of intercourse is enough. Just think about it: let's say you think, "Okay I don't have anyone right now. I'm going to have some fun until the One arrives in my life." By then you may have 5-10-15 strands without even knowing about their existence. How will you then be able to experience intimacy with the other..? Maybe they're bringing some other strands of their own as well; that makes it almost impossible to experience each other completely. Anyone who wants a deep, genuine Relationship should avoid cheating, threesomes, or 'rush' between two serious Relationships. There are a lot of other things to take care of in a Relationship so don't make your job even more difficult. :)
There are some other things that are useful to consider, too. Personally, I don't really believe in the idea that two people fit. Are you looking for a copy of yourself or are you looking for fun? Do you want adventure, development, learning, or boredom? If your partner is exactly the same as you, then how does it help you blossom? It helps you only to stay in your fixations and makes you stuck with your own junk.
Sometimes I also get requests to check a couple's synastry and see how they fit. This doesn't work. If it worked, in India, there would only be happy couples; every Relationship would be harmonious. But now, even in India, every second or third Marriage ends in divorce. If we do the synastry we are able to see how people will act together, what kinds of effects they provide each other. We can see the storyline, but we can't see the outcome of the story. We won't be able to see the quality of the Relationship either. I don't find it reasonable when astrologers say that a "Capricorn and a Gemini can't get along, because Capricorn is Earth, Gemini is Air." There is no such thing that someone is 'Capricorn.' Someone's Sun was standing in Capricorn when the person was born; that's correct. But a chart is comprised of so many factors, and the position of the Sun is only one of them.
If the birth-sign determined the quality of a Relationship, then a 'Taurus' and a 'Capricorn' should have a fantastic affair because they are both 'Earth' signs. Nevertheless, on low levels of therapy, they can be absolutely boring together. Hence, on high levels of self-development, an Air 'Libra' can completely enjoy the stability of a 'Virgo', and 'Virgo' can enjoy the even-keeled smoothness of 'Libra' too. Those who want to find the right partner by checking their horoscope signs for compatibility should give up on their ideas because it doesn't work that way. The key is always how well someone is, in terms of therapy, and not their horoscope/zodiac sign. The most significant factor is still the karma of each individual involved.
If we want to have a working and satisfying Relationship we have to proceed on two fronts. One of them is healing the relationship with the Parents. Many people cry out in pain hearing this: "But my Mom/Dad is not alive anymore!"; "My parents are not spiritual!"; "They are not willing to work on themselves!"...so what?! :) Everything in this world is the projection of your inner world, technically speaking. Your parents have nothing to do with your blocked energies! This might sound weird; more likely to those who were treated 'badly' by their parents, but you came to this Earth with a 'package'. Maybe your Dad beat you for a few years; but in how many lifetimes might you have killed or beaten him, too..? Maybe your Mom didn't love you the way you expected. Just contemplate for a second the number of lifetimes you might have cheated on your husband, thrown your baby in a well, or hung yourself escaping from motherhood...? Maybe your mother was only reflecting these energies, lying in your subconscious and waiting for work to be done on it. Your parents don't even need to make a step in this life on their own; you have to start cleaning yourself, because this is your life!
Then there is your Partner... I can't say for sure but I have a feeling that the person we get in this life as our partner is someone with whom we have the most unfinished karmic business. Nice perspectives! :) I have taken a journey to around 60 different past lives and in at least 40 or more, I met and got together with my current wife. The Relationship bond is probably strong enough to rehabilitate the hidden karmic energies that we have accumulated with someone. We need conscious inner work to heal these energies. If they were able to get solved by themselves there wouldn't be so many people suffering in their Relationships; and also we wouldn't have to reincarnate thousands of times!
Here's something to think about: at night your partner approaches you and you don't know why, but suddenly you feel some tenseness in your legs. You squash this tense feeling, and you feel pain instead of joy during intercourse. How many times could it have happened that your partner or someone else raped you, and you're still carrying its energetic pattern? Or you want to have a baby but don't succeed. How many times could it have happened that you miscarried your baby, or your child died as in infant? And how many times could you have probably declared an oath:"I never want to feel this pain again." Or as a male, your partner passes by you and you suddenly feel your kidney aching. It's most likely that she had stuck some kind of a sword or knife in your kidney and her mere presence activates the story.
There is no point being upset with the other, saying that "I can't enjoy sex because you probably raped me five times!" This world is based on an action-reaction principle. They did something to you because you did something to them. Because they... because you... and so it goes until eternity. Maybe you'll understand when I don't answer questions like "Ricsi, when will I meet the one??" Well, when you make yourself fit for the task. When you remove all the stuck energies from inside of you that you are sitting on, like a volcano. Your 'unfortunate' partner is also hiding, afraid of when your volcano will erupt, and wondering when theirs will erupt too. Both of you can feel that you should open up, but as you open yourself up all the stuck energies come pouring out at the same time. These energies should pour out in therapy, in the hands of a professional. You don't pop your pimples when you're standing in your Partner's face (hopefully!)... You pop it and disinfect it in a private place and when you are ready, you come out. This is how therapy should proceed and the release of stuck energies also follows this procedure.
Work on yourself. On one side, the past haunts you and as you are trying to get away from it, you start hiding in your own dreams and projections while thinking "what will happen?, when...?" Nothing... you will still project and try to escape until you process your stuck debts and unexplained junk. This is the Law of Karma, and the main purpose of your existence. The cleanse! If you are in a relationship, respect your Partner by continuously cleansing yourself and going to therapy. You bathe and brush your teeth every day, so your soul and subconsciousness should also be well-prepared and kept clean for the one person, your Partner, who you let in. You are not in a relationship at the moment? Then you have more time and energy to cleanse yourself! Prepare your inner self because this Partner will come and you want to give him/her, a grand tour instead of running away and hiding from him/her.
The key is in the palm of your hand, and if you are diligent and determined, you bring about your own happiness yourself. But you have to work for it... ;)
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